Last Thursday I arrived here in Salvador, Bahia where (through the support of my loved ones) I was able to come and be with my grandmother while she recovers from health issues.
For the most part, I’ve been sitting with a lot of feelings waiting for them to take form in a way that makes more sense. Then I remembered that life is a process piece, and that I can work through and assemble as I go. More + more life is teaching me that I will never be ready to take the next steps, but I still owe it to myself to move forward.
Being here with my family sometimes comes with a feeling of not fitting in. It’s a feeling that has come throughout most of my life and in many places, including in LA the place I was born. I have a practice for shaking past the desire to “fit in” to the norms of any place, and anchor myself within a deeper feeling of badassery that comes and goes. I have been spending energy cultivating that light inside of me, hoping that as it grows it will help me see clearly this life direction that I have been afraid of pursuing. In my life I have been so accustomed to the feeling of disconnection, but now I am beginning to shift that narrative-instead noticing that despite feeling so different, I am still deeply connected and loved.
I sink further into the question of those connective threads. What are they exactly? Across sea and air and generations, somehow those threads of love, culture, and lineage manage to find their way back us.
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