On Emotional Metabolism

Written supplements for your Pisces Season

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This past weekend I dropped in on a writing class my mother teaches. I was feeling particularly slow and internal that day, as I’d just dropped my partner off at the airport the night before and long distance relationships are truly not for the faint of heart. At the end of one particular round of sharing, I somewhat reluctantly shared my writings with the group and I’m so glad that I did, because the feedback is what led to this essay. One of the phrases I wrote Emotional Metabolism stood out to the group, and we had a discussion about managing emotions, allowing them to pass through and share their wisdom, without overtaking us. Before I continue, here is the entry that I wrote:

Many years ago when I was going through one of the more difficult moments in my life I tried a new mode of therapy to me, EMDR. I recall the therapist asking me a series of questions on the intake form, which we then went over together. “Who is someone who makes you feel safe and calm?” I immediately thought of my older brother, and filled myself with the warm sensation of hugging him. When I was even younger, as a young pisces romantic, and during years which were probably very difficult for a young person to emotionally metabolize, I would make up scenarios with my crushes in order to fall asleep. In the same way that I can call on the memory of a pickle to cancel out the imagining of a gross flavor, throughout my life I’ve been able to recall images to help anchor me back to a place of homeostasis.

Because I am such a sensitive person, it’s very easy for my sensory/emotional system to feel taken over by unwelcome stimuli. My imagination is not an escape, but rather a reminder that very much like yin/yang or tibi tire, good and bad always come together. There is no such thing as all negative or positive. I call on my sweeter memories during difficult moments in order to remember how good life can be. That this sweetness Is just as real as the evil we encounter in the world. That sweetness is always very possible.

I have a special sort of reverence for younger me, who was able to fabricate trust and anchor in that sweetness even when she didn’t have tangible memories to turn back to. She was going all out on faith and pure belief in love. I admire her for that.

To me, emotional metabolism describes the process of alchemizing emotions (particularly big ones) in a way that creates a sense of resilience, connection, and strength. It is a delicate process because it requires one to do many things at once. If I had to break it down I would do it as such:

Scan the body in order to identify what emotions are real in a particular moment. Greet them.

Resist the urge to try to erase, override, or fix the emotion. In other words, lean into the discomfort that is present. This can look like the discomfort of accepting that warm-feeling emotions are fleeting or, on the other end of the spectrum, that uncomfortable emotions are currently present.

Allow yourself to observe and be present with the emotion. Be generous with the “you” who is holding this space. This means being honest about what you need in this moment, and prioritizing being in safe spaces that allow you to express truthfully. To be clear, I don’t mean lashing out at others, I just mean being with people who will accept that maybe your energy is a little lower or higher based on what you’re moving through. This only works if you are actually doing the work to be aware of yourself, this way you don’t project pain or harm onto others.

Remind yourself that change is inevitable, and that all feelings are temporary. See if giving yourself this grace evolves your experience of these emotions.

This part is *key*. KNOW your limits. If you know that you have a penchant for spiraling thoughts, have a plan in order to keep yourself from falling too far into the intensity. Do you have your list of friends/family you can call? A natural place to go and visit for support? A nervous-system regulating album to listen to or TV show to watch? The reason why this part is so tricky is that it asks you to know the difference between avoiding emotions, and overly feeding them. This takes practice and time, and often we have to swing to extremes in order to find balance, so be gentle with yourself as you learn more about your own emotional needs.

Conceptually, emotional metabolism is a way of digesting the information and wisdom that these “emotion visitors” are transmitting to us throughout our human experiences. Be kind to these visitors, and if you are hypersensitive as I am, do your best to remember that just because you feel them so deeply doesn’t mean that they are you. Allow them to touch your edges and wash through you without feeling the need to immediately act or respond. Close your eyes and watch them, feel them, dance with them. Breathe through the discomfort and remind yourself that you are resilient, that you’ve experienced difficult emotions before, and that you’ve found your way to the other side of it before too.

If you have a habit of overanalyzing your emotions, be careful about being prescriptive with what you find as you observe them. The point of emotional metabolism isn’t to “resolve anything” it’s a way to be in touch with the fullness of your humanity. It’s a way to remind yourself that you are alive and that, though at times overwhelming, it is better always to be feeling deeply at its full spectrum, than to be numb.

I’ve been told often by folks that they admire how vulnerable I am. In those moments I’ve asked myself why it is that I don’t hesitate to share my emotional experiences with the world— whether it be through my art, my writing, or coaching containers. I think that this is made possible because the things I feel are not me. They are simply a reminder of this temporary human project. Each time, they remind me that I can lean into life more deeply. Through these visitors and honoring them, I find a way to a deeper sense of connection, humility and gratitude. It’s metabolism and alchemy because my spirit is being impacted by these moments in memory. They are adapting who I am, and it’s up to me to make sure that this work is done responsibly and in a way that benefits my higher self.

I’m not perfect at this process, but I am present with it. I hope that reading this, and that engaging with my substack in general, continues to allow you more permission to experience a *big* life, in a world that constantly encourages us to be small, to disconnect, and to feel less.

Let the world touch you. Let life feel its way through you. This is a beautiful and temporary gift <3